The Marriage Reset Scorecard

A guided checkup for husbands and wives who know something needs attention but need a clearer way to name it.

How to Use This Scorecard

Set aside 30 minutes. Each spouse scores privately first. Then compare answers with humility. The goal is not to prove whose score is more accurate. The goal is to find the area where your marriage needs the next faithful step.

Use this scale:

1. Needs urgent attention
2. Weak and inconsistent
3. Functional but fragile
4. Healthy with room to grow
5. Strong and protected

Area 1: Communication

Score: 1 2 3 4 5

Ask:

• Can we bring up hard topics without immediate defensiveness?
• Do we listen to understand before responding?
• Are our words generally honest and respectful?
• Do we avoid contempt, sarcasm, exaggeration, and shutdowns?

Evidence for my score:

• What is working:
• What is not working:
• One communication habit to strengthen:

Area 2: Conflict and Repair

Score: 1 2 3 4 5

Ask:

• Do we repair after conflict or just move on coldly?
• Do we keep one issue from becoming the whole marriage?
• Can either spouse apologize without a counterattack?
• Do we have a pause-and-return habit when things escalate?

Evidence for my score:

• Recurring fight:
• Repair habit we need:
• One apology or cleanup needed:

Area 3: Affection and Friendship

Score: 1 2 3 4 5

Ask:

• Do we still enjoy each other?
• Do we show affection without always waiting for perfect conditions?
• Do we laugh, talk, touch, and notice each other?
• Are we treating each other like husband and wife, not roommates?

Evidence for my score:

• Friendship habit to restore:
• Affection habit to restore:
• One small moment we can protect this week:

Area 4: Trust and Transparency

Score: 1 2 3 4 5

Ask:

• Are we honest about money, devices, schedules, emotions, and temptations?
• Does either spouse feel like important things are hidden?
• Are words and actions matching over time?
• Do we handle concerns with openness or punishment?

Evidence for my score:

• Where trust feels strong:
• Where trust feels fragile:
• Transparency step needed:

Area 5: Money Unity

Score: 1 2 3 4 5

Ask:

• Do we know where the money is going?
• Are spending expectations clear?
• Do we discuss debt, savings, giving, and goals calmly?
• Is either spouse avoiding or controlling money conversations?

Evidence for my score:

• Money tension:
• Decision needed:
• Monthly habit to start:

Area 6: Household Partnership Without Cheapening the Marriage

Score: 1 2 3 4 5

Marriage is more than task management, but task confusion can still poison the atmosphere of the home.

Ask:

• Are responsibilities clear?
• Is invisible labor acknowledged?
• Are standards discussed instead of assumed?
• Are we serving the household as husband and wife, not keeping score like rivals?

Evidence for my score:

• Load that needs clarity:
• Ownership decision:
• Appreciation I need to express:

Area 7: Shared Vision and Vows

Score: 1 2 3 4 5

Ask:

• Do we still talk about what we are building together?
• Are our choices aligned with our vows?
• Are we protecting the marriage from drift, resentment, and outside pressure?
• Do we have a sense of legacy beyond the demands of the week?

Evidence for my score:

• Vision we need to recover:
• Value we need to live more clearly:
• One legacy-building action:

Your Lowest Score

My lowest area is:

The reason I scored it low is:

The pattern underneath the score is:

One change I can make this week is:

One request I want to make is:

7-Day Reset Plan

Choose only one area. Do not try to fix everything this week.

• Area we are focusing on:
• New habit:
• Day and time we will check in:
• What we will stop doing:
• What we will start doing:
• How we will know progress is happening:

Closing Commitment